Not Letting the Gloom Set In

Sometimes we feel like everything we try to do...or not do...is not good enough.  And it is times like this that I try to turn my perspective around so I can understand why I feel this way.  Am I truly a failure in everything?  Lately it is feeling like a failure in how I manage my time.  I haven't had the motivation to do much around the house or with my schooling.  I guess it has finally clicked in my head that my DH is really gone for 2 months.  I am in that "funk" and am trying to escape it...quickly!  I knew this would happen, it always does...when he leaves.  So what am I going to do about it?

I am thinking back on what I've done today and how bad really was my time management?

0715: Get out of bed, start laundry, take care of dog's needs
0730: Workout on treadmill
0815: Take shower
0830: Feed and dress kids
0850: Drive KJ to school
1000: Go Visiting Teaching
1130: Eat lunch
1200: Watch an episode of Care Bears with Connor, snuggle up to some books and put him down for a nap
1300: Blog, start to study my school work, text my DH to see how his day has been going

Seems like a pretty productive day so far.  Complete 180 of what my day was on Monday -- of just lounging on the couch and watching episodes on hulu.com all day, missing my DH.  I can at least see that I am changing.  And that is the point!  I think I have my hubby and my loving Heavenly Father to thank for that.  I was praying that I could get out of this funk, that I could find some motivation to just get up and do something...anything!  My DH was texting me and for a couple days, hounding me if I had touched my school work at all.  Finally, yesterday I told him I was thinking about doing that after the kids went down instead of watching episodes....and I did!  I studied for a few hours reading 1/2 my chapter and making an outline for it. 

It feels so good to be learning and studying again.  I know I can always count on my HF answering my prayers when I need them and also for my DH to be one who pushes me so that I can reach my full potential. 

Doing My Family History

My MIL sent me some names ready to be done in the temple.  I was able to get my visiting teacher to babysit my kids this morning so I could go today.  My body must've known I needed a good night's rest before going bc I fell asleep around 8:30pm...no joke.  Which is odd for me bc I usually stay up until midnight or so.  I woke up wide awake before my alarm went off around 6:30am. 

You always hear of stories that make it hard for people to get to the temple.  Mine wasn't hard, it just made my schedule late.  I live about 12 minutes away from the temple but I had to drop my kids off first.  When I went to plug in my VT's address in my GPS, it couldn't find the address or the street.  I used multiple city names...nada.  I went back inside to Mapquest it...that website couldn't find the address either!  I googled the metro station stop where she lives near and found the exact address for that...the GPS couldn't find that address either.  I was able to finally mapquest near the station so I hand wrote down the directions.  I still got lost getting there but after a few phone calls to her I finally made it to the Kiss & Ride where she picked up my kids.  This made me about 30 minutes later than I wanted to be but no rush since the temple in DC runs every 30 minutes on Saturdays. 

I made it to the 9:30am session.  I really tried hard to listen and I feel this was a great session for me personally. I did better on the things I needed to do and can't wait to come back to do the daughter.  It'll be even more amazing to do their sealings when my hubby can come help do the husbands. 

My goal for this year (what's left of it anyways) is to print out the names that are ready on my mother's side.  We have moved several times and somehow in one of the moves I found the Lorge Family History notebook that Grandma Lorge was working on.  How did it get into my belongings?????  I have NO IDEA!  But I've already looked up some of the names in it on ONE PAGE and half of the work has been done.  And I have hundreds of pages in this book.  I think that I will be busy this next year!

I Need to be Grateful

We all have our good days and our bad days.  Today just might be one of those bad days.  I remember in seminary how we were encouraged to keep a "Thankful" journal -- that we should write at least 5 things in it everyday.  I know that when I do this it helps me keep perspective on how good things are and not dwell so much on the negative. 

So, here it goes.  I'm grateful for -->

• my little family
• the smiles my children give
• a daughter that is excited to do her homework
• children who like to be active, who love to read and love to snuggle
• children who are quick to forgive me of my short comings
• my scriptures and the calming peace that come from studying them
• inspired church leaders
• my calling as a nursery chorister
• cell phones and the internet so we can call, hear and/or see my husband when he is away
• a husband who has a strong work ethic and tries to excel in his job no matter what is thrown at him
• a husband who loves to play with our children
• a husband who takes a 5 minute break from studying to say goodnight to our kids over the phone
• a working van to get us places
• a warm roof over our heads now that it is getting cold
• a husband who thinks ahead by getting me my own car charger...which I used this last week
• family and other people who are willing to give hand me downs to my children
• food storage and the knowledge/peace it gives me in having it, the $ it saves me when we need to tighten our budget
• the opportunity to visit teach other sisters so I can get to know other women in the ward -- I tend to be shy at first so this helps me get out of my bubble
• family and friends who encourage better eating habits and also support me in keeping to it
• fruit...even though you are my nemesis you still give me energy and strength when I eat you :-p
• recipes from others who help me know how to cook
• the opportunity  to celebrate 9 years of marriage next month

Duties as a Parent

For sunday school I'm attending the Marriage and Family Relations class offered in our ward.  The first couple of lessons we've discussed The Family: A Proclamation to the World and how we are applying it to our lives.  Today we discussed the duties as a parent on what and how we are to each our children.  In Relief Society we had a lesson on Repentance.  Here are my thoughts during these discussions.

 

• Our children belong to us under our stewardship as we live here on Earth.
• We are to teach them the principles of the Gospel that can bring eternal happiness. We do this by example. 
• We are to Love them, care for them, provide for physical/spiritual needs, teach them, serve them, observe the Commandments and abide the laws of the land.
• These attributes help me see my children as the Lord sees them -- precious spirits who deserve our unconditional love
•  "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. "
• As I ponder back on this week, I can remember when I've lost my temper a couple times with them.  I hear myself raising my voice, I see my children tearing up, I hear myself disciplining and teaching the correct way to do something.  But as I ponder about what my duties are to them, I see how much the yelling hurts them.  Such tender and innocent feelings don't need to be hurt by unnecessary yelling bc I was too short on patience. 
• Coincidentally, the Relief Society lesson today was on the steps of repentance.  First one being recognize. I recognize that I need to be more patient with my kids.  After all, they are just kids being kids.  Albeit clumsy, selective hearing and curious...I must love them unconditionally like our Heavenly Father loves us. 
• I talked with my daughter about this today.  I told her about the lesson and the different steps of repentance.  We discussed how when we ask for forgiveness and try to forsake the sin, that we cannot always do it by ourselves. That sometimes we need to ask for help.  I told her that I was praying for help from Heavenly Father that I can use a more calming voice and that I also needed her help.  I asked her to help remind me.  She then replied that we needed a new rule: We must use inside voices...except on birthdays! (Her words: Then we can shout for joy).  So we agreed that we would only use inside voices towards each other.
• That is my goal this week -- to improve on my patience and use a more calming voice when I try to discipline my children. A comment in Relief Society helped me better understand what forsaking means.  It means you try to not repeat that sin.  I don't know about you, but NOT ever repeating the same sin (forsaking it completely) just seems impossible. The thought that helped me was this:  We inherently are not perfect so we will make mistakes.  Although if we make the same mistake what matters is how much progress we are making in 100% forsaking the sin.  Perhaps last week I had only 5% patience for my kids, but this week I managed to have 10% patience for them.  Even though I may not be perfect at patience, I am diligently seeking to improve on it.  That made me feel better about myself.   Making small improvements on it until I can conquer patience...now that is possible...a journey to master it.  That seems more realistic. 
• Even though I haven't blogged about my reading the BOM, I am reading it.  And I am seeing it in a whole new light.  It is weird to have this experience every time.  It seems that each time I read it, the words are more and more urgent in their pleadings for us to REMEMBER, to be THANKFUL/GRATEFUL, to REPENT.

His Hand Outstretched Still

• Reason why the prophets write the scriptures is stated in 2 Nephi 6:12 --
• ...if it so be that they shall repent and fight not against Zion, and do not unite themselves to that great and abominable church, they shall be saved; for the Lord God will fulfil his covenants which he has made unto his children...
• 2 Nephi 25:3, 23
• Between 2 Nephi 8-29, the Lord tells us that we shouldn't rely in arm of men but in Him and that his hand is continually outstretched towards us. 
• ...fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be ye afraid of their revilings... (2 Nephi 8:7)
• Talking about resisting peer influence and instead trusting in the Lord. 
• This is hard to do at times.  I look at the "epidemic" that is rising among our school-aged kids with bullying/teasing that is leading some children to believe that the only way to overcome this is to take their lives.  How tragic.  Kind of scares me as my daughter just had to deal with the whole "teasing" thing at school.  With a lot of parent/teacher conferences, child/counselor conferences and discussing it with the classes it was taken care of, but my child is only 7 years old and she is already facing crud like this?  It is our jobs as parents to protect our children physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Am I doing all that I can to help my children wear the Armor of God?  This makes Family Home Evening, family prayers and family scripture reading, attending church and being better examples that much more important.
• As in the RS Conference we just had, it is true what Sister Beck said that knowing who we are will make a difference in how well we can be steadfast and immovable.  Luckily, my daughter was able to realize her worth and stand up for herself against those bullies at school. 
• There will always be opposition in all things (2 Nephi 9:25-26), but these experiences we have can help us enjoy the better times. 
• There are a lot of warnings in these chapters of 2 Nephi. (2 Nephi 9:24-38, 48, 13:18-24, 25:9,
• Continues to ask us to REMEMBER. (2 Nephi 9:39-41, 44, 51-52, 10:4,
• He gives us promises. (2 Nephi 10:7, 9-19, 23:22,
• The Lord asks us to put Him before our own wants (2 Nephi 15:11-12).
• The Lord reminds us that the glamour the world promises us does not last when coming from the world. (2 Nephi 15:24)
• Prophecies given to us in 2 Nephi 25:4-19, 26:14
• When we listen and do what the Lord asks us to do, He promises us that we shall not perish.  Are we going to give our time to the Lord this weekend and listen to what He has to say through our church leaders during General Conference? (2 Nephi 26:8)