Sometimes in life, you are searching to bring more of Christ's Light into your daily doings. You aren't sure when it ebbed out as much as it had, but the importaint point is that you noticed it not as bright. Whenever that happens to me and I genuinely try to seek to bring more of it into my life, I find that I am truly starving for his Spirit to be with me. That I hadn't even realized how starving I was for it. I rejoice and relax in the warmth it brings into my life. Isn't it funny, though, that right when you start seeking for it, it is that light and strength given to us that makes any struggles at the time seem easier to deal with?
Case in point: Today I started reading my scriptures...correction...starting studying my scriptures, again. I am not just reading them, but reading with a purpose. With questions for the Lord to answer through my seeking and feasting upon his words. After school was released, it usually gets crazy at my house. Chaos is the right word. Katie Jo is trying to do her homework and Connor is trying to grab, rip and throw her homework everywhere. They were eating some apples for a snack while I was getting dinner ready. When they were finished, KJ put her bowl in the sink and tried to take Connor's. Now, she was trying to be helpful, but Connor screamed at the top of his lungs bc he wanted that bowl for HIM. He was actually wanting to put it in the sink himself, but KJ didn't see that. I grabbed KJ's arm after she took it...counted and breathed in before I said (with a very firm voice...in so many words): "Are you the Mom? Give the bowl back to Connor. Do you think it is right to take the bowl when he is screaming at the top of his lungs?" What I really felt like doing is screaming back at both of them...Connor for screaming...KJ for making him scream. But I just held her arm and tried to calmly tell her what he was trying to do...which was exactly what she was doing.
I felt like the Spirit helped me keep calmer than I usually can be and not hurt KJ's tender feelings with my screaming. I pointed out to KJ that I appreciated her trying to be the big sister and help him with clearing their dishes. I think I should do that more often. Point out to her the good she is doing. But then also lovingly tell how better she could have handled it. Now that last part is not as easy but it is possible.
Randy and I were able to go to the temple together last week on Thursday. It was the first time since the beginning of July. How peaceful it is to be in the Lord's house with your eternal companion, knowing you both are striving to live righteous lives...not just for yourself, but so that you can be an eternal family and live with Christ again if we do live righteously. I had noted on my Facebook status that we had gone. In turn, one of my friends posted a link to this acapello quartet of the song "How Great Thou Art". When I hear this song, I can truly feel my feelings and testimony being sung through the words. I can feel the Spirit testify to me that Jesus is my Savior, that my Heavenly Father knows me and what I'm going through. And he knows I am trying to be more like him. It brings me peace. I can't get enough of it. I want to listen to it on playback for hours.
On Saturday when I got in the car, I wanted to keep that feelings I had of listening to this song. So I put in a church CD to listen to the beautiful praises being sung by the MoTab. It was a good thing, too, bc it was rush hour and there were CRAZY drivers out. I know I needed to be calmed down by these songs otherwise I would've gotten so mad at the other drivers. Seriously...city driving is the WORST!
I am just so grateful for how much the Spirit of God can change your life, your actions and your thoughts. It brings peace, happiness and unity to families that no other thing can do. It expands your love for one another and reaches in to your soul.
While I was doing dishes last night, I started singing the child primary song "I Feel My Savior's Love". I had memorized it since I have been the Nursery Singing Time lady. This is another song that warms my soul and helps me feel His love for me.
When you are looking for the touch of the Master's Hand in your life, it seems you can find a long list of how much He has had an influence in your life (see novella above!). Unmistakeable on how much He loves you when you truly try to see how He has steered you and directed you without you knowing.
Thank you. We are having my first presidency meeting since I was called to RS. We are planning to discuss Sister Beck's talk from April conference with two questions: What do I need to do in my life? and What do I need to do to help the sisters in our ward? Your post helps me clarify some of my thoughts and even extend my thinking. Your quest to be closer to the Spirit and to use the blessing of having the gift of the Holy Ghost is taking form and already you are acting on promptings. Gerald N. Lund has a great book Hearing the Voice of the Lord: Principles and Patterns of Personal Revelation that I am going to start studying again. This, too, is my quest. I keep trying and hope that I am getting better at hearing, recognizing, and acting on the Spirit but mostly, I just don't know sometimes. I love you. Thanks for letting me be part of your spiritual life, too.
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